Creating Community

Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.    ~ Rainier Maria Rilke

I’m an impatient sort. So I’ve been living my way into answers right now. Fascinating insights.

To do this, I’ve taking a class the last six weeks that has rocked my world. Funny thing is, it’s one that I led. And it’s hard to write that without it sounding like PR. Which it definitely isn’t.

What does it mean to live in inquiry? You’d think after walking this path for the last ten years I’d have a simple answer, but this feels new, like I’m just beginning to find out. So far the world seems far kinder, simpler, and more compassionate to me. I like who I am when I actually LIVE the answers that come when I don’t believe who I am without my story.

This teleclass is one that came along after I stated publicly I was no longer going to offer teleclasses.  It’s been much like a late-life baby, but this birth was much easier, and the results have been a delightful surprise. An alchemical concoction of deep and intimate inquiry with folks from around the world, the experience has widened my world and my opened my mind.   I’m even thinking of having another baby…next fall.

We’ve been dipping into the Four Questions and the Turn-Arounds of Byron Katie each session, with a focus on how we can take our insights into the next week. At how we can live into the questions and our answers.  It has been deeply transformational for me to be to witness such radical honesty and practical wisdom at work in each of our lives.

I have the impulse to offer some quick and easy questions in blog form, some quick tips that readers can take and bake at home. But the process has been far more profound that this.

I can offer this: a testimony to the powers of “warm observation” of yours own sweet self, foibles and all. When I truly understand that I don’t have to believe everything I believe about the world or about myself, I’m free to “live into the answers” with warm curiosity. I can see for a time where I cause myself misery and what’s on the other side of that.

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I just arrived home from a pilgrimage to the birthing lagoon of the gray whale in Baja. I had heard rumors about mother whales there who introduce their calves to humans, much as we take our offspring to meet other species. This image had lived in my imagination for several years, increasing its ranking in my bucket list.  But my watery imaginings didn’t begin to match the experience of being in their presence—the power of a whale’s eye view. I never imagined how actively the whale moms would pursue us, a few humans in a ponga boat half their size.  I could have never anticipated their eagerness as they bee-lined for the boat, babies close behind. They gently rubbed against the boat bottom, spouted in our faces, came close enough to be stroked.  Babies stuck their nozzles out to invite petting and practiced their “spy-hopping” (or rising vertically from the water) so close that we see the hairs on their faces. Some moments it was like sitting in a pot of whale soup. But this is  just the beginning.

My first thought is that they wanted something from us, like other wild creatures who have been “tamed” and seriously disturbed by being fed. But this has always been strictly forbidden in the lagoon, and access to the whales is limited. There’s a small window of a few weeks (just after birthing and nursing and before hitting the Pacific ocean for a long and serious migration to Alaska) that these giant moms reach out to humans.

The resulting connection has possibly saved the species from extinction. Whale watching is now more economically sustainable than whale hunting. Once this very lagoon was a full of the blood of slaughtered whales, and offspring died of starvation.  Once nearly extinct, now  gray whales are thriving.

This is the power of interspecies communication. But this is just the beginning.

In the moment when  I stared into the whale’s eye,  for that instant, and for days after, I felt something of the mysterious depth of things. The enormous power of that net that holds us all, the one that defies words or explanation. And it is still with me here in my land-locked world. The sense that we are all connected to all of life. The longing to remember this deepest of mysteries  as I go about my daily life, invisibly connected with all that is.

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“Exploding Head” Remedy

March 2, 2011Confusion to Clarity

Last week I co-hosted a cross cultural dialogue with Balinese visiting San Francisco. The focus was on Tri Hita Karuna, the ancient principle of balancing relationships with community, spirit, and nature. When I asked a beautiful Balinese singer to share. she said,

“All this talking and talking makes our heads explode.”

Then she led a long, lovely chant. A sense of connection with each other, with the world, with spirit, saturated the room. We were singing our world back in balance.

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Acceptance or Connection?

April 27, 2010Approval

What’s the difference between a desire for approval (a strategy for gaining acceptance) and a desire for connection? I’ve been sitting with this question during the past week.
Here are some of the what I’ve noticed, in the form of “Questions to Self.”
Where’s my focus? A dead give away. If it’s on others, I’m usually thinking about what they expect of me. Is it on my own sense peace and well-being? It’s connection.

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How a Long Marriage is Like the Grand Canyon

September 12, 2009Aging with Grace
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As of this week, I’ve been married forty years to the same person.  Okay. Not the same person.  He’s changed.  I’ve changed.  And it’s not the same marriage.  It’s changed and we’ve changed. In many ways, it’s been more like a series of two or three marriages,. When new friends ask what wisdom we have [...]

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Touching Your Tribe

July 22, 2009Creating Community

Again I’ve returned to my garden oasis to name and count the pearls from my last adventure, a trip to the first-ever Martha Beck Coach’s convention, where the keynote speaker was Byron Katie.  I hold both these women in high esteem, so this was an indescribably inspiring and enlightening experience for me, personally. But one [...]

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