Gratitude is what we are without a story. These words of Byron Katie sprang forth from my reading this morning and resonated deeply in my being. More and more often I go to my gratitude journal and find no words, just a peaceful silence. In those moments I could search for the words to describe each and every person, animal, tree, or thing in my life. So many blessings! But this alone is sometimes a hindrance to gratefulness as I experience it, which is beyond words.
That’s when I drop into the awe and wonder of simplicity. There I am, looking out at bare branches swaying. Seeing the sometimes gentle, sometimes violent winds of life passing through. Without a story that it should be any different than it is, I am peace.
When I studied at a Benedictine monastery, I fell in love with Meister Eckhart, the great thirteenth century mystic. These words were all it took: “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
May this be your mantra during this season. If holiday hubbub gets in the way, simply remembering is enough. Thank you, with or without words. Enough.
Seasonal Reflections
This has been a season of puddles, and as the sun begins to show up I don’t want to forget what I’ve learned from exploring my inner puddling. It all began with a small injury, to which I added lots of insults. I mostly rained on what could have been a perfectly nice parade by thinking that I should be more evolved and enlightened than to feel disappointment or frustration.
I’m reminded of a time when my three-year-old daughter wet her “big girl pants” on a cloudless summer day, then claimed they were wet because she “sat in a puddle. A very big puddle.”
I had been sitting in a very big puddle of feelings and beliefs while I stayed dry in my mind, in my image of myself as someone who had evolved past lowly messes.
So I took a good hard look at where I was getting stuck and asked myself some hard questions about where I’m still arguing with reality. I took a close-up tour of what’s going on behind the façade of enlightened perfection that I sometimes wear. I took classes in inquiry. I led a small group as we got serious about living into our answers.
At the bottom of that puddle of disappointment I found a great gift. There’s a peace and clarity in discovering what’s behind thoughts like: This situation is a problem. I need to take care of it now. There’s not time. It’s somebody else’s fault that the world isn’t perfect (from my point of view).
As I poke around in the yuk of lies I sometimes believe about myself or the world, I keep finding how much easier and kinder it would be to just take a giant step to the side and discover how good my essential self really is, away from all the mental chatter.
Here’s the big surprise: When I strip away the façade of enlightenment, what I find is enlightenment.
A big part of this process has come from actually seeing and allowing some hidden feelings that I had not felt seemly in someone of my stage of evolution. Now that’s a relief. The relief that comes from being on the same page as reality, which contains all things natural. Like feelings. Puddles of tears come, sometimes. And then the sun shines.
When I allow for all that messiness, I find myself in a big puddle of relief….and joy.
Where do you puddle up? What might you allow yourself to do or if you weren’t trying to be wise or enlightened? A big subject. Touch in and poke around gently. Hold what shows up in kind curiosity. What do you notice?
I’m reminded of a time when my three-year-old daughter wet her “big girl pants” on a cloudless summer day, then claimed they were wet because she “sat in a puddle. A very big puddle.”
I had been sitting in a very big puddle of feelings and beliefs while I stayed dry in my mind, in my image of myself as someone who had evolved past lowly messes.
So I took a good hard look at where I was getting stuck and asked myself some hard questions about where I’m still arguing with reality. I took a close-up tour of what’s going on behind the façade of enlightened perfection that I sometimes wear. I took classes in inquiry. I led a small group as we got serious about living into our answers.
At the bottom of that puddle of disappointment I found a great gift. There’s a peace and clarity in discovering what’s behind thoughts like: This situation is a problem. I need to take care of it now. There’s not time. It’s somebody else’s fault that the world isn’t perfect (from my point of view).
As I poke around in the yuk of lies I sometimes believe about myself or the world, I keep finding how much easier and kinder it would be to just take a giant step to the side and discover how good my essential self really is, away from all the mental chatter.
Here’s the big surprise: When I strip away the façade of enlightenment, what I find is enlightenment.
A big part of this process has come from actually seeing and allowing some hidden feelings that I had not felt seemly in someone of my stage of evolution. Now that’s a relief. The relief that comes from being on the same page as reality, which contains all things natural. Like feelings. Puddles of tears come, sometimes. And then the sun shines.
When I allow for all that messiness, I find myself in a big puddle of relief….and joy.
Where do you puddle up? What might you allow yourself to do or if you weren’t trying to be wise or enlightened? A big subject. Touch in and poke around gently. Hold what shows up in kind curiosity. What do you notice?
Working with Susan Grace is profound and playful at the same time! To be supported by her gentle wisdom has been a blessing to me during tremendous transitions.
Susan brings, sensitivity, humor and consciousness to each session. I am transitioning into a new plateau in my life and I couldn’t have done it without her.
Thank you for orchestrating a session that led to such rich insight, Susan Grace. Your work is a reminder that the “better story” is within reach – and you help me reach it!
One finishes feeling integrated and loved, with definite goals to work toward.
